Unfortunate Piñata Fillings

By Maureen Traverse
(courtesy of McSweeney's)

- Whiskers
- 9-volt batteries
- Armed Greeks
- The unabridged OED
- Bus schedules
- Throwing stars
- Newports (menthol)
- Refrigerator magnets in the shapes of states
- Styrofoam peanuts
- Tear gas
- Flightless birds
- Torpor